This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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