Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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