**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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