so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
