If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
