you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
