her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
