She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
