Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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