I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
