We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My ass is underappreciated
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
