I accidentally had phone sex last night
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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