please come you make the beer taste better
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
