terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize