I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The air taste purple.
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