need another drink. this is the easiest way
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
