That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
