It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
