The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
