So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
