Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
