I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
