I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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