i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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