I want to stick my p in your. b.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
