I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
