wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
two words...techno handjob
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
