I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
