I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
