dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
