is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
there is glitter all over my balls
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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