He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
