Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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