dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
