Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
