My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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