I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
