loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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