I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
