We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
