he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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