I think I died a long time ago.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
