There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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