My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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