I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
