I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
