so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
