WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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