the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
