I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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