Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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