i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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