I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
