Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
