eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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