I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my vag is so smooth its legendary
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize