last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
