Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize