Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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