I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
