just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
