I wannas sexs uuuuu
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
