wrigley field is MILF paradise
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
