Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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