thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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