she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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