trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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