Cold hands, warm shart.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
