I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
