turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
