I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
