Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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