I'm drive I can fine osifer
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
