Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
that's an acceptable place to lick
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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