what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
