guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wear drunk well.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
