And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
