I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You're like the curious george of whores
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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