Can i not drive my cunt home
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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