Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
