i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
the raccoons are back...
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