Tell her she can't have a vagina
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
